“Netflix and Chill”: A National Crisis

What comes to mind when one hears the phrase “Netflix and chill?”

ONE WOULD THINK THAT THE ACT OF WATCHING FILMS OR MOVIES ON NETFLIX AND CHILLING IS WHAT COMES TO MIND. But once again, adolescent boys and the Internet are looking for a new way to send us all straight to hell.

For those of you who don’t spend the majority of your time turning your precious brain to mush by never leaving the Internet or wasting countless hours texting someone of the opposite sex who probably isn’t all that interested, let me explain to you what “Netflix and chill” has become.

Have you ever been texting a girl or guy, and things start to get pretty flirty between you? Nothing too serious, but neither of you would mind hooking up if the other was so bold to ask. Maybe he asks you to go to a movie. So you do. Maybe you kissed during the movie. Maybe you didn’t. Then both of you went home. Well, that all seems relatively normal, but it’s not how things work in 2015. Now, a decent amount of us have a huge collection of movies in our homes for just eight dollars a month. We also have couches. Or beds. Or both. When a guy (yeah, I’m just going to place all the blame on guys. Deal with it, boys. We suck.) texts a girl for a while, and whether she’s reciprocating the flirtatiousness or not, he will work fast. It doesn’t matter anymore. He takes his hand off the controller. He pulls up his Nike sock. He breathes in deep. He gets his thumbs in position, and with just a few quick strokes, he pops the question.

“So you wanna come over and chill? Watch some Netflix?”

Obamafacepalm

Now here’s where the “national crisis” part comes in (I fancied myself clever for using POTUS for the reaction photo). Because this…tactic…has become so popular among us, every girl who is asked the above question already knows exactly what’s going on. Banking on the idea that you’re a nice guy, she comes over to your house hoping to sit in a comfy seat and watch a movie or two. You’re sitting in the love seat, so the “chill” portion is going pretty well. You’re binging Parks and Recreation because Amy Poehler is a queen and a comedic genius. You’re in luck, bro. You got an arm around her.

Whoa.

What do you think you’re doing?

Stop moving your hand.

Dude.

Stop.

Oh no.

Stop moving HER hand.

Christ.

I’m not going to get too graphic. But the general idea behind this “Netflix and chill” phenomena is that guys know that girls enjoy relaxing comfortably snuggled up to some big screen entertainment, and they see it as a perfect opportunity to sleep with them. Movie = intercourse?

fuckyouscience

I am in no way making the assumption that there are ZERO females out there who may indeed be waiting for the “Netflix and chill” signal to go over to that special someone’s place and get things going. I am also not assuming that they don’t sometimes use the tactic themselves. It can be a little ridiculous and easy to make memes about, yes. But who’s to say it isn’t occasionally convenient? Maybe both parties want to hook up but are too afraid to say it explicitly. I don’t know. Discuss amongst yourselves.

But what about us “nice guys” who “actually want to watch Netflix and chill?”

I’m sure most people are understanding enough to believe you if you just tell them that when you say Netflix and chill, you sincerely mean Netflix and chill. I don’t see this as a crisis. But it’d be pretty funny if it was. Imagine that. No girl wanting to talk to you because you came off creepy and desperate even though you just wanted a friend? HA. HILARIOUS.

jim-cry-happy

What really inspired me to write about this is the fact that even though WE did it, there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it. That’s incredible. We millennials have the power to totally change the meaning of things that are otherwise undeniably straightforward. “Netflix and chill” could very well end up in the dictionary as a term essentially meaning to hook up. Isn’t that beautiful?

I spend a lot of time chillin’ and watching Netflix by myself. When I do it with anyone else, that is literally all we do. But that may not be the case for some of you, and that’s okay. It’s 2015. Just, please don’t whip it out with no warning. And please don’t take “no” as challenge to keep trying. And please don’t use the word “Netflix” in your proposal if you don’t even have a television. Like, make an effort.

It is our job as the inhabitants of this Earth to make sure this sort of thing doesn’t destroy us from inside our own living rooms. Or bedrooms. We can joke about it, and we can participate in it. But when you “Netflix and chill,” do it for the right reasons (a sentence I never thought I’d have to type.)

gosling

Some things we just have no control over. We can embrace them, we can satirize them, or we can let them turn into a crisis situation. Whatever.

We’re all human.

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