That’s So Jaden

Today I discovered a BuzzFeed article about Jaden Smith, the son of actor Will Smith (whom I actually like). It consisted of several noteworthy things he said to interviewers, and I will tear into every single one of those things very shortly.


So this person (if I can even call him that) is about a year or so younger than I am. I remember, a long time ago, being blown away by the brilliance of the on-screen chemistry between him and his father in The Pursuit of Happyness. That was his acting debut. He got a small bit of work after that, starring in a reboot of The Karate Kid alongside Jackie Chan, and then the total atrocity that was After Earth with his dad.

I knew absolutely nothing of his life outside of the few films he worked on. But it was about two years ago that I discovered his Twitter account. I’m sure some of you remember the classics:

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jaden2

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And my personal favorite:

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………

parksnrec

…….

I don’t particularly enjoy wasting my time on specific celebrities, because I want to engage people in conversation about what is actually important. But who am I to constitute what’s important? I talk about the world as it is affected by humans, and I believe I am in a way affected by this one human. Maybe. I mean..

Could it be that our generation is in dire need of a young philosopher? Are we desperately calling for an intelligence savior, sent down from the heavens to save us from conforming to a society that we’ve been brainwashed into believing makes sense?

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The Twitter stuff is not all I have to go by. Journalists far more important than I am have already reached out to this peculiar boy.

And the answers he gives them for what kind of person he is are mind-boggling. Not in a good way. Here’s my dissection of what I found in the BuzzFeed article.

Jaden and his sister Willow are scientists, or so they claim.

“Me and Willow are scientists, so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we’re put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time.”

What does he mean by “a scientific test upon humanity?” If you’re going to talk science, you have to be less broad than that. Is walking to the store a scientific test upon humanity? Where are your hypotheses, let alone your results for these tests? How selfish of you to keep all your findings to yourself if literally EVERYTHING is a test you’re running. But yes, indeed he is “put in a position” to affect large groups of people, and I find this frightening so far.

He compares himself to Galileo.

“It’s fun, bro. That’s what a lot of people don’t realize…It’s the best thing. People think you’re crazy–I feel like it’s an honor, actually, for people to think I’m crazy. Because they thought Galileo was crazy, too, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.”

Okay, he might be onto something with this one. Many revolutionary advances in knowledge definitely start with one person making a discovery, and everyone around him thinking he’s crazy. But I can’t help but feel like Jaden here is just romanticizing that concept. People thought Galileo was crazy because he made an unheard-of claim, but later it was proven, and now he’s thought of as NOT crazy. But Jaden says it’s fun for people to think he’s crazy. So what exactly is he going for? If you turn out to be correct about something, and everyone realizes it, you’re not crazy to them anymore. This leads me to believe that Jaden Smith just wants to say “Most Trees Are Blue” to piss you off, and leave it at that without ever proving it.

He apparently builds pyramids.

“I built my own bed, I built my own closet, um, I built two closets, I built four beds, I built, um one pyramid…”

“Because it’s supposed to be 14 feet tall or 16 feet tall, but the tip of the Giza pyramid is actually cut off. There’s no tip. It’s missing. So I was like, ‘I want to have a missing tip on here, too.’ Because I copied the exact 57.1 degrees that the Giza pyramid is. Obviously I don’t have two miniature pyramids next to it. But I have a little pyramid in my actual room, too.”

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Before we even get to the pyramids…how did he manage to build closets? Did he just break out the walls in a room in his (or someone else’s) home? Where is he getting the tools for these projects and why has no one seen the actual projects? I’m not saying he’s lying about the beds and the pyramids, but I would very much like to see his exact replica of the pyramid of Giza. I mean, obviously he doesn’t have two miniature ones next to it, because come on, that’s absurd.

He wants to be the craziest human to ever exist.

“I rarely go to parties. My whole life is just dedicated to learning and breaking like, the craziest records of life, and being like, one of the craziest human beings to ever exist. That’s me.

Oh, is it? Is that you, Jaden?

His whole life is dedicated to learning but he is a strong advocate against schooling. And what exactly are “the craziest records of life?” Because if he were to break the record for most successful attempts at plucking individual nose hairs out of random strangers while singing “Buy U a Drank” by T-Pain backwards, then I’d say he fulfilled his dedication. But I think he just means he wants people to THINK he’s different, judging him by his deeply philosophical Jaden-isms spoken either on social media or to reporters. Crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy, either.

He hates institutional education, but he spends his free time stealing it.

“I’ll go to college. I want to set up offices at MIT just so I can learn and bring in new technologies into the world. Definitely sit in on lectures in college. I’ve done that already. Like, go sit in that, you know, USC, UCLA, MIT, you know anything I can get my hands on.”

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Again, I have no idea what he means because it’s so ridiculously broad.

One does not simply walk into MIT and “set up an office.” You have to actually get a degree before you can get an office at a university. And what “new technologies” does he want to bring into the world? Where are the blueprints for the new hoodie/dress/machete he’s probably going to one day invent?

Lastly, his life goals:

“No one will know where I am in ten years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I’m at. No one will know who I’m with. No one will know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning that since I was like thirteen.”

Noble. Truly noble life purpose. One day, when I am 28 years old, a mysterious figure with intentional bed-head and tendency to say things like “But where are we, really?” will appear out of the darkness. I won’t know where he came from, but I will know that he was once a genius of my time, who could listen to the thoughts of newborn infants and make scientific discoveries beyond what society is ready for.

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I will never understand what goes on inside the brain on Jaden Christopher Syre Smith any more than I will understand what goes on in my own brain.

He may come off as pretentious. He may sound like he is totally full of it. He may seem as though he is doing nothing other than asking for attention.

But the fact that I wrote this article proves that it’s working.

No more will we be forced to listen to adults who tell us that we have to go to public school every day of our lives. No more will we shy away from exploring and reading and discovering. No more will we be afraid to voice our opinions about the unknown. Why? Because our philosophical warrior of the 21st century has come to save us.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - FEBRUARY 07: (EXCLUSIVE COVERAGE) Actor Jaden Smith and singer Willow Smith attend Roc Nation and Three Six Zero Pre-GRAMMY Brunch 2015 at Private Residence on February 7, 2015 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Larry Busacca/Getty Images For Roc Nation)

Be sure to stay tuned for next week’s piece on the young revolutionary, Willow Smith.

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Here’s what was supposed to happen. Once Jaden Smith hit his teens, a new sitcom would be produced, starring him. It would be just like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, only this time, people my age could relate in real time. He was supposed to be our Will Smith.

But no. Instead, this generation was blessed and cursed with Jaden in his true form.

See you in ten years, Jaden.

And hey,

we’re all human.

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