Hoverboarding is a CRIME Sorta

I’m not entirely sure how any of us are supposed to react to this one.

But see below:

Appeal to identify #Hoverboard riding suspect in connection with theft in #Mitcham. Call 101 quoting ref19206 https://t.co/BbFWpGe2QS

— Metropolitan Police (@metpoliceuk) December 10, 2015


I’m sorry, did you say hoverboard?

A man robbed a store…

on a hoverboard.

Fellow humans, the future is indeed right now.


A man snatched an entire case of a sports drink from a British supermarket and made it out of the store without being caught — all while  riding one of these:


According to MSN, the suspect was captured on surveillance tape entering The Co-Op in Mitcham, London on the board at about 9:45 p.m. local time on September 6 before grabbing a case of Lucozade (some sports drink) from an aisle.

He was caught on tape wearing a grey sweatshirt and sweatpants, checking behind him, and then leaving the store.

The cops released the footage in their efforts to track him.


Oh my God.

This is either the smartest or dumbest way to carry out this particular task; can’t decide.

The suspect in the photo above stole sports drinks from a convenience store while riding what is essentially a Segway with no handles, that (I did my research) does not exceed 10 mph.

In my opinion, it’s not a hoverboard if it has wheels, but whatever. (Seriously, it’s a Segway, only cool.)

These things are so slow. It would be a quicker getaway if he ran. However, if he ran, perhaps he’d have drawn unwanted attention to himself. Hmmm.

I like to imagine that there was actually a chase, and it went like this:


Suspect: “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *rolls away at 4.2 mph* HAHAHAHAHAAAA!”

The metropolitan police said in a release,

“[We] are keen to hear from anyone who may recognize the man captured in the footage.”

Please let the Mitcham PD know if you see a young black man hilariously hovering away to freedom carrying a pack of sports drinks.


Story time.

Back in August, rapper Wiz Khalifa was arrested at LAX for riding a hoverboard and refusing to get off. He wasn’t doing anything, really. He was just using it the way it was intended.

The cops slammed him to the ground for trying to ride said hoverboard through security.


In this post-9/11 society, maybe we aren’t ready to casually bring startlingly questionable and futuristic technology through customs at an international airport. However, they were pretty aggressive with this guy who does literally nothing but rhyme words and smoke weed.

After this episode, Wiz spoke out on Twitter. He said,

“All because I didn’t want to ditch the technology everyone will be using in the next 6 months…I stand for our generation and our generation is gonna be riding hover boards so if you don’t like it eat a dick!”



Perhaps he has a point; it’s been four months since then, and I have definitely seen more of these gizmos rolling around the streets and sidewalks. In October, I was in Atlanta, and I actually saw a guy riding one, wearing a t-shirt that just said, “We don’t walk no more.” Like he was an ad. It was really confusing and frustrating for reasons I’m still not sure of.

It’s cool, yes. But man are we lazy.



So, back to this British robber.

Is it really that easy?

In America, if a black guy in a sweatshirt comes into store like this one, he’s going to have eyes on him the whole time. Yet, this man went right in, grabbed what he wanted, checked behind him, and dipped right out.

Thievery is wrong and illegal, yes. But if you can let THAT happen in your store, maybe you deserved to have your sports drinks stolen.


But wait.

In October, police issued a statement saying it is illegal to ride hoverboards in public after they started to become poplar on the streets of Britain.

Met Police tweeted (with a photo of the device): “Own one of these or thinking about getting one? They’re illegal to ride in public!” 

Motor vehicles have to be registered and insured. “Self-balancing scooters would not currently meet the requirements of these schemes, so are not legal for road use.”

Wow. So this man got away with two illegal things, and one them was ridiculously obvious.



We have now possibly seen the future of local crime.

Luckily for the police, there probably aren’t TOO many people with hoverboards yet in London, let alone black people in general.

Be careful out there. If you want to ride a hoverboard, make sure it’s allowed wherever you are.

Also, don’t let it turn you into a fat bastard.

Oh, and don’t rob people either.


we’re all human.


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